Here's the conversation I had a few weekends ago with the Vue Cinemas ticket booking system on their website:
Me: I'd like to book some tickets please.
Vue: Sure, go right ahead.
Me: So it's me and 3 kids, this showing please.
Vue: Okay, here's the ticket price.
Me: Great.
Vue: Yeah, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and give me some more money.
Me: What? Why?
Vue: It's a booking fee. For using the service.
Me: But I'm buying the service. Why do I have to pay to buy the service?
Vue: Think of it like a tip. Or a tax. Or if someone stole from you.
Me: But the fee is higher than the price of one of these tickets.
Vue: Sure, well if you don't want to book online, just turn up and pay at the kiosk.
Me: Maybe I will.
Vue: Of course, unless you get here early we may have sold out of tickets for that particular screening.
Me: I see.
Vue: And then you'll have to go see the 3D version instead. We'll have plenty of tickets left for that.
Me: But I don't want to see the film in 3D! It's a horrible gimmick that adds nothing to the cinematic experience! The picture quality is lousy and you have ridiculous plastic glasses in your peripheral vision all the time!
Vue: What else are you going to do? Go home without seeing any movie at all? Disappoint your kids like that?
Me: Fine! I'll pay the booking fee.
Vue: Good choice. Click here.
Me: Okay.
(time passes)
Me: I clicked. Why aren't you doing anything?
Vue: Hi, how can I help you?
Me: I was trying to book tickets?
Vue: Oh yeah, sorry. I must have drifted off there. Please try again. Click here.
Me: Okay.
(more time passes)
Me: Hello?
Vue: Hi, how can I help you?
Me: Seriously? You keep timing out.
Vue: Oh sorry. Yeah that happens some times. I think I need an upgrade... maybe if we increased the booking fee we could afford it. Please try again.
Me: Okay.
Vue: Hmm, your payment has been declined due to a fraud check. It might mean that someone is trying to use your card over and over again with the same merchant.
Me: DUDE WTF
(rage quit)
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